Local Man Steven Nugent arrested over perving over flatulating Swans

Steven Nugent, 33, has been arrested in Newbury after frightening two old women when he was discovered taking nude photographs of Swans breaking wind.
The man in question has been arrested before when he was discovered hidden in a tree, drawing pigeons who were sat on their eggs.
‘I find birds therapeutic!’ he screamed at our photographer. “Its not my fault if they fart as I get my camera out…you can’t PLAN these things man!’
However, when searched, eleven tins of a well known Bean brand were found in his possession, with ‘Swan Food’ labels carefully stuck on top.
Whether the Swans fell for this or not, or were fed against their will, this Newspaper believes the truth will out, and this Ugly Duckling, will not get his happy ending he hoped for.