Minneapolis, MN – (AP)
In a stunning announcement, Mike Zimmer has told Ian Rappoport of NFL Network that he has been forced to immediately retire due to a worsening of his eye condition this week.
“I can barely see anything,” said Zimmer. “I mean, I can see out of my other eye, but I can’t risk my right eye over a meaningless football game. I’m not going to stand on the sideline and pretend I care about this team when my eye is in so much pain.”
It will be very difficult for the players to accept, but Zimmer believes the extra week will help them adapt.
“That’s their problem now. I really don’t give a s**t,” declared the former head coach. “I’ll listen to the game on the radio. Not the local broadcast, though. I can’t stomach that garbage.”
No word has been given on who will replace him as head coach.”