Beverly Hills — After only agreeing to my interview on the condition of remaining anonymous, Pete, I will call him, sits down with me for a drink, post dinner, at a rather noisy café near Hollywood. Most of the tables and seats are now taken, filled with hipsters, young professionals, and any number of eager actors, writers, and wanna-be stars. Most of the men are bearded and dressed in either a suit or faded jeans and a designer name shirt. Most of the women sport ponytails and either a skirt or yoga pants. Being an outsider (Texan, born and raised), I am surprised. I expected less uniformity and much more diversity given the degree Hollywood purports to promote them. My expression is poorly masked, as I look up to see Pete noticing. Chuckling, he says, “where you from again?”
After shoo-ing away the server, who appeared before I could respond, Pete stops me. “Nevermind, I remember. Texas, right? Good stuff. You’re a long way from home, man. Hey, do people just call you ‘Man’ for short? Or is Manny already short for something?”
I laughed. “Not that I know of.”
“Well either way, I think you accidentally ended up fitting in, dressing up. I’m busting your balls but I also speak the truth;
“I mean, look around you, sans the beard, you look perfect!” Pete continued: “Not that it makes a difference. These people are all too self-involved to care about what we talk about. That said, what do you want to know?”
Corey Hart’s, “Sunglasses at Night,” starts to play over the speaker system of the café, I assume, ironically. Many in here, indeed, have sunglasses on, not only at night, but also indoors. Is it because their laptop screens are too bright? I ask Pete how long he and his writing partner have been in Hollywood.
“I don’t maybe 12 years. When we got here the only place we could afford was a shared room in a run down group home. There wasn’t a shower just a bath. Can you imagine that? Land of water shortages and there wasn’t a fucking shower. Anyway we started out doing open mics, and writing jokes for our portfolio. Our first paid gig was on cruise from Miami to…I don’t remember where the fuck we went. Someone on the tour was a producing a new sitcom and we both got jobs”
When asked if it’s hard being the only conservative in the writing room he shrugs. “I grew up on a farm, and the writers room is the toughest work I’ve ever done.
With the increase in quotas and demands for equal … you know, you have to have a black guy, you have to have an Asian guy, and now you have to have a middle eastern looking guy, and women, and at least a gay person here or there.
Well, we have just noticed a decrease in equal representation of conservative humor and viewpoints and wish to combat
I mean, John, is even half-Asian, and, well, I’ll let him say it so I don’t get crucified.”