Thursday, February 22, 2018
Washington, D.C. – Late Thursday morning, President Trump floated a multi-tier solution to the mass shooting epidemic in the United States. Not only does President Trump want all the teachers to be armed with machine guns, he wants to arm the students as well. Under his proposal, elementary school children will be given small handguns, middle and high school students will be armed with sawed-off shotguns and college students will receive AR-15s. Principals of all schools will be armed with hand grenades and rocket launchers. Also under the plan, a new surveillance system will be implemented in every school that will send out an Amber Alert calling for armed civilians in the area to come down with their weapons loaded and ready to fire. The final step of the plan includes providing nuclear warheads to all Superintendents. If the situation gets too out of hand and the good guys and bad guys are unable to be identified, said Superintendent retains the authority to decimate the general area with the nuke if needed. We’ll continue to keep you updated as this story progresses.