They’re Already Married! Meghan and Harry Elope!

Breaking News from London via the BBC:

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have eloped! On an apparent morning stroll in Central Park and encountered by shocked joggers, Meghan explained “To us it was about starting our lives together — truly together — just the two of us. And even though we would have loved to celebrate with our family and friends, it made the start of our marriage about one another, ready to take on the years ahead.” Added Harry, “Never fear, the spectacle of The Royal Wedding will still take place two weeks from now with all the pomp, glamour, and tradition that you Yanks, and indeed, the rest of the world, have come to expect from me and my family. If it doesn’t happen on television, it doesn’t happen at all, am I right?”

The royal couple, sporting their Superdry sport shirts waved to other park visitors and engaged in light banter about running shoe brands such as Nike and Athletic Propulsion Labs before jogging off together to find some tea and crumpets.