BREAKING: Suspiciously, Everything Is Fine So Far

Lower Perlman, PA

Staff and participants at ILTC have experienced an unnerving sense serenity through 72 hours of the annual leadership program. While first-time residents have remarked that camp seems to be running smoothly, veterans are calling the absence of disasters “ominous & terrifying.”

Longtime Perlman staple Eric Hunker commented on the record to NFT beat reporters, “Something isn’t right- to the untrained eye it all seems OK, but I know better. A baby dropped an ice cream sandwich as if he had seen a ghost. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Another claim of unusual activity came from The Shuk, a local watering hole. “I know this sounds crazy, but I’m pretty sure I saw a giant salad riding a golf cart.” said shift manager Rachel “Paz” Pazornick

Unsuspecting rookie Paige Godfrey says she doesn’t sense the impending doom. “I had a great week, with my Blueprint.” said Godfrey as a dark rain cloud swirled over Lake Como.

While paranormal events at Perlman aren’t likely, local spirit leader Rabbi EmHy did tend to several complaints from ailing international teens who reported feeling “weak, weak.”

Wellness Staff is remaining vigilant as this story continues to unfold.