BREAKING: Jewish Teen Movement Breaks Boundaries, Now Accepting Any Species That Identifies As Jewish

Perlman Camp, Lake Como, PA

In a stunning turn of events, BBYO North America reached it’s FY18 membership goal after final Q4 numbers rolled in. The late surge came in part because of an historic decision to open BBYO to any Jewish dog.

“We are on the forefront of history- years from now they will talk about how BBYO, in the moment we needed most, opened it’s crate doors to all beings”, exclaimed Hunter Cohn, the newly appointed Director of Canine Inclusion.

The move is expected to open up several controversial discussions that BBYO had avoided for years, including how soon after a Bark Mitzvah a dog can obtain membership, and how long a lifetime membership lasts considering the conversion rate between dog years and human years. “It’s a nightmare, how do you expect me to get anything done now?” remarked local citizen Christine Tran, who prefers to work in a quiet environment.

A local human rights activist Sarah Yonas agreed that the move to allow dogs to join BBYO was timely and appropriate, but there has to be a line somewhere. “No fish”, said Yonas.

Programming is likely the largest uphill battle facing BBYO On the eve of this historic moment, as it’s inaugural pet-friendly program “JedTalks” was considered a colossal failure.

(The opinions in this article are not those held by the New Fake Times)